From the East Wing, Sophia’s Emails, Mississippi Lessons, Stargazing Talk, Crickets & Mayonnaise Jars

Greetings to all, and welcome new friends to the East Wing.

And I thought Sophia had a following before last week’s fiasco. But truly didn’t have a clue as to how large. I now do. The email response to Sophia flip-flopping in her political views was almost overwhelming. That little episode with Sophia going to the democrats produced more email than any thing from the East Wing to date. The cat has a following to say the least.

Not sure what caused such a response, but something flipped the switch, and the emails rolled. Almost had to get help answering the mail last week, offered a temp job to Spike, but it turns out he’s off on sick leave. I didn’t even know he had a job, much less sick leave. Spike told me ya don’t have to have a job any more to get sick leave, that’s part of the new health care program, ya just have to be democrat, and wanta be on sick leave. So he did.

The 2girlsdogs wanted to help me answer the emails but were afraid they’d mess up their unemployment status. They’re drawing from the Presidents new unemployment program. It turns out that they too don’t have to have had a job, just be a democrat and want to draw unemployment. What a country! When asked to help, Sophia said she’s doing her nails and besides she don’t do emails. So I done it the old fashion way, by myself.

With Sophia using a sizable amount of postage with her involvement with being the National Spokescat for several rather conservative organizations last week after replenishing her postage supply on line went into a tirade on the upcoming postal increase.

Sophia said “do you know why you’re ‘bout to get covered up with email”. ‘Cause if ya do, that’s just another example of why the Post Office is having to raise the price of stamps. We don’t use the post office as much as we used to, so everybody has to pay more for using it less. WOW ! That’s such a novel idea, paying more for using less. That truly must be our government in action. I can always tell when Sophia is starting a roll, her Calico Coat starts to glisten as she struts her stuff.

She went from the post office to health care without missing a beat. “This is the very basic rational thought process used to construct the Federal Health Care Program. Just like the Post Office, it only stands to reason the if we’re gona pay more for postage ‘cause we’re using less, then if we used more the cost would go down. Applying that same logic to health care, I can now see why it was necessary to create this massive federal health care program.”

“The only way to get health care costs down it to provide service to 40 million more people and sure as shooting watch the health care costs drop right to the bottom of the bucket. Especially if these 40 million or so don’t have any money to pay for the service to begin with.”

“ Why, it’s such a brilliant plan, no wonder the people had such an overwhelming support for this thing last summer. it won’t surprise me at all if within 3 or 4 years going to the doctor will cost less than going to McDonalds. It’s good solid thinking on the part of us democrats that’ll keep the republican opposition on the sidelines for many years to come.”

After listening to her goings on ‘bout the post office and health care all at the same time, and seeing that little Sophia smile when she used to be a republican, I’m not sure ‘bout her using the term “us democrats”. The green eyes defiantly now do twinkle when she says “us democrats”. Damn Republican Cat.

Every once in a while something comes along in my email that’s just too good not to share. The little story below is one such example. It comes from Meridian Mississippi, and is purported to be a true story. Having been to Meridian Mississippi and met some of the people of Meridian, I can just see this story playing out in the old South.

Meridian Mississippi, a hundred and fifty or so miles southwest of Birmingham, Alabama. Out there along the way on Interstate 20. Where the magnolias grow and the Spanish Moss hangs heavy in the Live Oak Trees. Where the four seasons have different names, they are Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, Christmas. Where the temperature and humidity are usually the same number up till ‘bout Christmas. Meridian Mississippi, a pretty town, with gentle people, way down yonder in that land of cotton. But don’t make ‘em mad, down there in Meridian Mississippi.

##0##

An old man from Meridian, Mississippi, was going upstairs to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, ‘cause she could see from the bedroom window. He+ opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed who were stealing his stuff.

He called the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" He said "No, not in the house, but some people broke into my garden shed and are stealing from me". The police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be there when one is available ....."

The man said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and slowly counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing stuff from my shed. You don't have to worry about ‘em now, ‘cause I just shot and killed ‘em both. The dogs are eating on ‘em right now," and he hung up.

Within five minutes, 6 police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, 2 fire trucks, a paramedic, and an ambulance showed up at his residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" The old man said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
##0##

A true Mississippi Lesson well learned, don’t mess with old people in Dixieland.

Did ya know that August used to be called Weodmonath (weed month). If you haven’t been weeding your garden all along, now’s the time to jump in and get ‘er done!

Now for my stargazing buddies, remember that on a clear night ‘bout August 15th put a blanket on the grass, lie down and look up to see Jupiter as a sparkling magnitude -2.8. Now for my non stargazer friends, just spread out the blanket and lay down and look up, you’ll know what I’m talking ‘bout.

But for those who jump on me for not talking “stargazing talk”, here ya go. Magnitude is the degree of brightness of a celestial body designated on a numerical scale, with the brightest star a magnitude -1.4 and the faintest visible star a magnitude 6, with the scale rule such that a decrease of one unit represents an increase in apparent brightness by a factor of 2.512. Also called apparent magnitude.

Which brings up a whole set of other questions like what the %$^&$# is absolute magnitude? (now ya know why I don’t talk stargazing a lot) but oh well, here we go again.

There are two specific types of magnitudes distinguished by astronomers, they are Apparent magnitude, the apparent brightness of an object. For example, Alpha Centauri has higher apparent magnitude (i.e. lower value) than Betelgeuse, because it is much closer to the Earth.

Absolute magnitude, which measures the luminosity of an object (or reflected light for non-luminous objects like asteroids); it is the object's apparent magnitude as seen from certain location. For stars it is 10 parsecs (32.6 light years). Betelgeuse has much higher absolute magnitude than Alpha Centauri, because it is much more luminous. Usually only apparent magnitude is mentioned, because it can be measured directly. Absolute magnitude can be derived from apparent magnitude and distance using the distance modulus.

Now I’m not even gona talk ‘bout that distance modulus thing, ‘cause it just gets into other stuff and it can go on and on what seem like for ever. I never got too hung up on that stargazing talk. I think it’s kinda like talking and spelling. I learned to talk before I learned to spell. Now some folks point out that I don’t spell too well from time to time.

Stargazing’s much the same way, what’s more fun talking ‘bout it, or looking at it. For those who would say, “talking ‘bout it”, I would propose ya haven’t seen the rings of Saturn up close, or the red dust on Mars or even what lays outside the Milky Way. It just seems to me looking at it's more fun than talking 'bout it. But ya wanta know something kinda cool, I knew ‘bout that parsecs stuff before it was ever spoken in the STAR WARS Movie. But I didn’t know ‘bout the force before STAR WARS.

The middle of August starts little subtle changes to the East Wing, cooler nights, a shift in the quality of light, both day and night, cleaner nights. And the sound of crickets replacing those other sounds in the night. Those little creatures that ya never see, just hear. The sounds of summer nights. Those sounds.

They start out with the Peeps of Springtime and ends with the crickets, with a lot of other little fellers thrown in there in the heat of summer. August bring an abundance of flying things at night. Just turn on an outside light at night and look after a few minutes, 1,000 new friends came to visit.

The nighttime sounds of summertime, ya gotta love it. Now if ya really want to have fun on a summer night, to out in the nighttime and find those little creatures making those sounds, you'll be amazed at what you'll find. Now if you’re gona look at these little fellers this year, ya better get on it, they’ll be gone soon. But they'll be back when it’s springtime in the Valley.

Did you know that you can tell the temperature by listening to a cricket? Yeah, ya can, it’s the darnest thing, but it works. Now to convert cricket chirps to degrees Fahrenheit, count number of chirps in 14 seconds then add 40 to get temperature. An example is 30 chirps + 40 = 70° F

Now for many of the folks who visit the East Wing and don’t use the Fahrenheit system, it turns out the crickets chirp in Celsius too. To convert cricket chirps to degrees Celsius, count number of chirps in 25 seconds, divide by 3, then add 4 to get Celsius Temperature. An example is 48 chirps /(divided by) 3 + 4 = 20° C

I don’t have a clue why this works, it just does. My only guess is the crickets carry around both a Fahrenheit and Celsius thermometer and work out the details as need be. Remember a few week ago, we’re talking ‘bout stuff that ya don’t spend a lot of time wondering why, well, the cricket temperature deal is just one of ‘em.

Have you ever considered having a chirping cricket for a pet? Think ‘bout it, how many people do ya know that’s got a pet cricket? A shinny little black feller with brown wings, they’re just lots of fun. The don’t eat much, don’t mess much and ya never worry ‘bout taking care of ‘em long term, ‘cause they don’t live a long time. Oh, by the way, they’re not green like Jimminy Cricket, they’re all just black with brown wings, both boys and girls.

The girls are a lot bigger than the boys. Like half again as big. A boy cricket is ‘bout 1” and a girl cricket is 1 ½” Big girls for sure. Boy crickets are the only ones who sing, guess they’re looking for those big girlfriends.

Another little neat thing ‘bout crickets, they can eat and sing at the same time. Is that cool or what? Like all the things that makes sound of summer, crickets are cold blooded little creatures and as such they sing depending on how hot they are. I think I know some boys who sing depending on how hot they are too.

Now if you’re gona get a pet cricket, ya gotta have a place for him to live. When I had pet crickets, I always used mayonnaise jars, I think it was Kraft Mayonnaise Jars, they always made better cricket houses, those Kraft Mayonnaise Jars, but ya gotta take the label off if ya want to see the cricket really good, and don’t forget to punch holes in the lid else you’ll have dead crickets.

Ya gotta put stuff in the jar for the cricket to live with, dirt and something to set on like a stick or a piece of bark or a leaf. Ye can’t just expect your cricket to sit on dirt his whole life. I always put two things in my mayonnaise jar for my cricket to set on.

Ya don’t have to go to Pet Mart to get your cricket, chances are it’ll come to you. By the middle of August these little fellers are starting to look for warmer housing and sure as shooting they'll come in you house whether ya want ‘em or not.

Once ya get ‘em in the Mayonnaise House ya gotta feed ‘em. Crickets eat just ‘bout anything vegetable. I used to feed my crickets cornflakes, oats, birdseed, and lettuce. It’s real important that your cricket has water, cause they’ll sure die without water. Ya need to feed and water your cricket every day. I think I used pop bottle cap for the cricket watering trough. It was a Pepsi cap, made of steel with a little round piece of cork glued inside the cap. The outside edge of that Pepsi Lid looked like the outside edge of homemade pies. A neat way to get water in the cricket house, use a straw. Suck it up, put your finger on it, and put some in the watering lid.

The sad part is, a cricket’s life is very short. If ya get a good cricket in August or September, he should last till somewhere ‘bout Thanksgiving. You’ll know when you’re done with that cricket, ‘cause they don’t sleep upside down.

Then when that time comes, if ya want me to preach that cricket’s funeral, I‘d be most proud. I’ve never preached a cricket funeral before, but I think I could. ‘Cause the crickets, they’re mostly Baptist, and that’s the kinda funerals I've preached the most. But I did preach a funeral for a Jewish Frog one time, that was most interesting, the other Jewish Frogs in attendance at that funeral, they ribbited in Yiddish.

Stay safe in Afghanistan.

From the East Wing, Sophia’s Emails, Mississippi Lessons, Stargazing Talk, Crickets & Mayonnaise Jars

I wish you well,
BobbyRay